I puked a lego.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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