she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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