And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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