My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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