Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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