Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
