Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
