Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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