I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
