he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
