in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
