He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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