A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
