my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
