I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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