I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
