Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad