ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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