I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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