Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
