I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
