Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
