Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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