love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
