That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
