the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Quick, to the slutcave!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
