I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
