I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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