Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm going to jail i love you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
