i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
