wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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