3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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