So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
