Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
