sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She bit a glass in half.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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