So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
