I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
