We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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