I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
