So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
