I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
