I think I won the penis lottery.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize