I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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