just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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