a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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