Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
