Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
