I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
