Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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