I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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