Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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