In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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