I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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