I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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