I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
