Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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