No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
