And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
