I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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