just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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