Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
