If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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