alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Couch. On fire.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
