dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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