wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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