Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize